There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
