I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm having to shit out rocks
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