May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
