So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
