I'm really into asian looking animals
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
