I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
