I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
