I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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