Umm I'm too high to move.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
