I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
