No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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