You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
