Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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