my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
