You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
