ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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