i barfeds in our rink
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
