we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
