mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
