You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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