There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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