it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
