Just fell off a train. Bad.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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