How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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