I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
