Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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