cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
