Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
