i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
