i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
