I want to have your abortion
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
