i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
