The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
