I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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