I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I will be naked everywhere
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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