I hate your face
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm always down for nudity.
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