I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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