Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
