i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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