Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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