so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
