I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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