apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's rum buckets o'clock
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
