oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
