She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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