theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
