Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
