I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
