If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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