oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
