Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
