Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
