your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
