she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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