We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize