You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
