I just pynch a tree in the face
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
