Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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