just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
