Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
