Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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