woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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