I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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