did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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