That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize