I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
