I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
