im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
